I know my posts have been more like weekly instead of daily lately. I apologize for that. There have been a lot of unexpected valleys come up in recent weeks, and it really pushed me to a breaking point. It pushed me to that point. The kind of point I think of in passing when I’m in a peak season, “How could anyone question such a good and loving God?” Fast forward to last week, me, during prayer time, angrily asking Him why.
Deep into 2020, which has already proven to be a year that has shaken every foundation built upon sand, amid ongoing personal and family life issues, we experienced an inland hurricane in my little river town in Western Illinois which left us and almost every other home in my area without power for six days. Six days in the dark.
After a few days of trying to summon my last shreds of patience, after a few days of soothing scared children and cleaning up huge messes in the yard, and throwing away rotten food from the refrigerator, I remember just falling apart. God, why did you let this happen? The wind and waves know Your name. You could have stopped this. After the year and even just the past few months we have had, why? You could have stopped this.
And then He was silent. He was trusting me with His silence, something I’ve come to greet with great anticipation over doubt. Many times in my life He has trusted me with His silence. It pushes me to trust deeper, it pushes me to rely on Him over the answers I’m seeking, and it hurts. It can be deafening. Sometimes we, like little children, think if we don’t get what we want or think we need right now, we are not loved. We are not protected. Dear reader, don’t let God’s silence cause you to open a door in your heart to the enemy’s lies. Greet His silence as a treasure you have been entrusted with. Greet it with anticipation of a quiet, contemplative season where He is still so near while your heart is being prepared for His answer when it comes.
A few days after our power came back on, I was driving to the store to pick up some things to restock our refrigerator and God gently and ever-so-lovingly broke His silence and replied to my angry question: “You’re right, I could have stopped that storm. But I didn’t. I also could have taken My Son off of the cross, but I didn’t. For your good. If I permit something painful, good will come of it.”
And He reminded me of these two verses:
Isaiah 55:8 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.”
Romans 8:28 - “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Dear reader, I don’t know your story. I don’t know the trajectory this foundation-shaking year has placed your life on, but I do know without a shadow of a doubt that if God permits the painful, He has a purpose. I refuse to sugar-coat it because Jesus never did. In this world we WILL have trouble (John 16:33). But God has always been a God Who will stand in the fire with us (Daniel 3). He doesn’t forsake us during the painful seasons. Your pain, your anger, your frustration, your confusion - none of this pushes Him away. He is near to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18).